That moment... Aditya Birla Scholarship 2007

22 September 2007, Aditya Birla Scholarship Award Ceremony, Hotel Taj Mahal Palace, Mumbai

"The next one is Bipin Kulkarni... also from IIM Bangalore!"

I sat there emotionless as my name was announced. It was the moment when I was named an Aditya Birla Scholar - awarded to only 10 management students across the IIMs. A dream of three months had finally come true.

I got up and started walking towards the stage. For a moment, I drifted into a different world. I saw a different set of people around me. They were all standing along the path where I walked, smiling and waving. I could identify each one of them. They had finally showed me the path, the path I would finally tread! They were my support system - people who prepared me psychologically to face the challenging interview, people to whom I owed it all, people without whom, I could not have come so far.

I saw my mother whose eyes were moist with joy, I saw my father whose face glowed with pride, I saw my brother who was trying to stop himself from screaming his voice out!

I saw my closest set of friends from IIM Bangalore. I saw Aarthi, Harish, Lavanya and IP... all donning the proud IIMB T-Shirt standing and smiling. They had been with me on campus at Bangalore when I faced the stressful days of the first term. I never had a lonely moment to feel bogged down. They had been with me when I needed them the most. They were again with me, this time in Mumbai. A smile finally wiped my face, which was emotionless otherwise.

A moment later, I was back to the Ball Room of Taj Mahal Palace in Mumbai where the award ceremony was taking place. It took me a moment to realize that I was indeed walking through the crowd smartly dressed up in business suits, looking up at me and clapping.

A few seconds later I was standing infront of Smt. Rajashree Birla... and the felicitations followed...

---

References

Aditya Birla Scholarship Website: http://www.adityabirlascholars.net/abgs_circle/20007.aspx

~*~

Flipping through pages... closing days at BITS Pilani

I was concluding my two hour long telephonic conversation with one of my old classmates who had managed to trace out my ten digit mobile number after two years.

"When will you change da? You still seem to speak the same way!", he said.

"Oh! Really? Why do you think so? Proof?"

"I don't know if you remember what you said during your graduation speech at the VC tea party. I am copy-pasting a part of my diary on a mail. Check it out. And please, do something about it!"

A few minutes after I hung up, I opened my inbox to find his mail. I could say only one thing after I finished reading it, "Oh! Really?"


Madhurjya announced, "May I now request volunteers from the graduating batch to speak a few words..."

Even before anyone budged, Kulki was on his feet. The look on his face convinced all of us that he didn't know what he was doing. It is always fun to watch Kulki speak without preparation. And trust me, he did not disappoint us this one last time. He began, just as I managed to switch on my favourite audio recorder...

"Good Evening everyone. 27 July 2000. It feels as though it happened just yesterday. And it's already 30 November 2004! Truly hard it is to believe that half a decade of BITSian life is coming to an end..."

I could hear a slight "hmmm..." all around me.

"I came in here as a confused, childish teenager!"

Ah! That's Kulki for you! The audience was already clapping!

"And today, I step out of this place as a more serious, more thoughtful twenty two year old young man..."

Junta were already in smiles. Another small round of applause! I was wondering why he isn't cracking his silly jokes yet.

"We are warriors. We came here with lumps of steel in our hands. And today, we go out with a beautiful hilt supporting a sharp blade on it. And it is this sword that is going to help us out in the battle. Yes friends, the war of life now beckons..."

I felt as if I was going to wage a war tomorrow! This guys always has his way of linking everything to a war.

"This is how I see BITS Pilani..."

Okay! This is going to be a big one!

"I was like an unmodulated signal!"

That's it! Here it begins! Oh no! Prof. BalSu is already laughing! Well, his favourite subject after all. And what's that? Vice Chancellor and Director too? Oh no!

"BITS is a frequency modulator!"

I am sure he would have got bums for this had it been the bhawan and not this graduation party .

"And today it has modulated me. Given me enough carrier energy to travel thousands of kilometres and fight the war of my life!"

This is much better! Deserves an applause. I started it this time. Crowd is always funny. They were clapping for quite a some time on this point. He had linked his two points! May be they appreciated that.

"Before I close my last ever speech as a student of BITS Pilani, let me quote the first words Prof. Surekha Bhanot told us in our first ever interaction.

Sahana vavatu
Sahanau bhunaktu
Sahaveeryankaravavahai
Tejaswinavdheetamastu
Ma vidvishadvahai
Om Shantih!
Shantih!
Shantih!"

I liked the way he ended it. I am not sure he appreciated his speech. Silly guy, is always self critical. But the people did, so much so that, they were clapping till Madhurjya took the mic again and said, "Thank you"

Nitesh Aggarwal... my mentor he was...

31 Jan 2007

"Why do you worry, dude? You will definitely get into B or C. Just relax", said he as I hung up the receiver.

I was speaking to my mentor from IIM Indore for the Group Discussions and Personal Interviews process. The months of January and February were marked by a number of phone calls I made to him, the immense amount of confidence I gained in the process of talking to him. There was no such moment when I found myself helpless. There was a person sitting Indore, always ready to help me.

2 May 2007

"Congratulations dude! I knew this would happen. All the best for a great time at IIM Bangalore", said he when I conveyed the news of having been selected for final admission at five IIMs, including IIM Indore.

He seemed to have more confidence in my ability than I had in myself. It was a moment when I could not stop thanking him for all the help he had done to me during the preparations.

3 Aug 2007

"It's been quite a some time since I have spoken to Nitesh. Let me talk to him after the mid term exams get over", thought I on the last Friday (3 Aug 2007). I wanted to talk to him about where my life has brought me.

I wanted to speak to him... I wanted to thank him for all what he had done for me... I wanted to narrate to him my stories, my experiences, my thoughts, my plans... just so many things....

10 Aug 2007

My mid terms indeed got over on this Wednesday (8 Aug 2007). But I never saw him online on the messenger again. I never got a chance to speak to him on the phone again. I never got a reply to an e-mail again... Nitesh Aggarwal a.k.a. geminithegreat, by that time, had already reached a world from where people do not return. His earthly life ended on 5 Aug 2007... the occasion of Friendship Day... the occasion to celebrate those intense feelings of friendship... the occasion to thank a friend for all what he has done... he was one of the unfortunate two who drowned in the river at Indore on that fateful day...

I wanted to speak to him... I wanted to thank him for all what he had done for me... I wanted to narrate to him my stories, my experiences, my thoughts, my plans... just so many things... just so many things...

Wish I had one more chance... just one more chance to hear the encouraging voice...

Best moments during IIM GDPIs... a retrospective

IIM Calcutta

We had a terribly noisy group discussion - "fish market GD" as any IIM aspirant would call it. I was almost hitting the roof of my voice levels. Apparently, even the group sitting in the adjacent room could hear our voices.

Then came the turn of interviews. The candidate who went in before me was asked about the group discussion.

"Sir, it was a noisy group discussion"

"Who do you think was making the maximum noise?"

"Sir, four people were making noise. One of them was Bipin!"

I was already famous even before I went in for the interview. And this is how my interview went about in this context:

"So, Bipin, how do you think your group discussion went?"

"Sir, it was definitely a discussion with high energy levels."

"How much do you rate yourself on aggressiveness?"

"Sir, between six and seven on a scale of ten."

"SEVEN??? I think you are ELEVEN!"

I could just muster a smile in return.

In retrospective, although I felt stressed out, I guess the interviewers were trying to bring the best out of me by putting me through a different situation.


IIM Lucknow


"Bipin, I am very impressed with you. Please take a biscuit. And all the very best!!"

That's how my Lucknow interview ended. I then came back to the waiting room where I was caught by the other candidates waiting for their turns.

"How was it? How was it?" was the only thing I could hear.

I just held the biscuit high up in the air like a trophy and announced, "If not for an IIML seat, I have this biscuit blessed by an IIM Prof!"

In retrospective, I guess, my inner self knew that I was through!


IIM Bangalore

It was for the first time that I entered the hallowed portals of the institution. It was as if a dream... "phew! am I really here?" The GDPI process was complete even before I could realize. But it was that air in the place... that click I felt in my heart that made me give my best. I knew this was the place for me.

Arguably, one of my best interviews in the season, I found myself really energetic and enthusiastic during the 35 minute interview. The concluding part of my interview was something like this:

"You can join the NSR centre. We have a lot of activities for entrepreneurs. You might be interested in that."

"Definitely madam, I would be more than eager to do so."

"We also have a chapter of SPIC MACAY here in IIM Bangalore. You will have to be actively involved in that"

"Yes madam. I will."

"There is a small group that performs music. You can join that also. You can continue with your music performances."

"Surely madam. Thank you so much"

For a moment, I felt I was in a meeting with an HR of a company telling me what I must do the next day after joining the company.

On the Judgement Day - by the hour

On the 27th April 2007...

9:00 AM

I entered the office.

Refreshed the homepages of all the IIMs. They still showed up the "Results delayed" information. The Central Government of India had already given a green signal for the results of General and SC/ST categories the night before. The expectations were really high that the results would be declared any moment this day.


Refreshed pagalguy.com. The thread on "Results Delayed" had now reached 131 pages... a whopping 3275 posts! Restlessness among the people who suffered it together was clearly rising.

10:00 AM

Refreshed the IIM homepages.
Refreshed the Pagalguy page.

A resourceful person checked up with the HRD Ministry. News started floating around that the file is in progress and IIMs would be notified in a "short while". Every minute after that felt like a year. Tensions and expectations rose to all time high.

11:00 AM


Refreshed the IIM homepages.
Refreshed the Pagalguy page.

No sign of the results yet! It had been a very painful wait since 12th April. Hopes abound, candidates spent sleepless nights thinking about the results... thinking about their careers... thinking about their dreams... Their dreams had indeed evaporated their dreams!

12:00 noon

Refreshed the IIM homepages.
Refreshed the Pagalguy page.

No results yet! Emotions were high. Most of the candidates, working in some company or the other were trying to keep their tempers under control. It wasn't an easy job for me either.

Then I had a sudden mood swing! I felt very light. I had crossed the maxima of my mental stress. It was a state of bliss. It was an inexplicable state of peace and comfort. I smiled to myself and got on with the daily work. For a few minutes, IIMs were really out of my mind.

1:00 PM

One last refresh on each of the pages. No change. Just that the thread on PagalGuy had now touched 139 pages. I hadn't been able to swallow my food for nearly 15 days. But this day, I ate to my heart's content. Nothing would bother me any more... There was nothing to lose.

1:30 PM

Back to desk.

IIM Calcutta has had the history of being the first to release the results. I gave a shot at their homepage.

http://www.iimcal.ac.in

The usual link showed up announcing the delay in the results.

Refresh

Ctrl-R (I use Firefox)

Bang! The link had changed to "PGDM/PGDCM (2007-09) Final Offers". My heart skipped a beat. I rushed to click the link. Came to the familiar page asking for registration details.

Entered the details.

"hpax" - read the letters on the image (used to prevent robots) . I entered it into the text box.

Submit!

The IIM Calcutta website believes in finishing it before your arteries in the brain blow out with tension.

"Congratulations!!! You have been selected for both PGDM and PGDCM"

The page contained the other details. But well!!!! It was the "C" word that mattered the most!

I almost yelled out. My pulse sore to 140 (yes! I counted it!). I could feel blood gushing through my cheeks. I could feel my hair stand up on my head. I could feel the heat in my ears. I could feel my hands going numb. I could feel the whole body turn cold. I could feel my lachrymatory glands getting ready to do their job of Ganga and Jamuna.

I rushed to a conference room in the office... knelt down and held my stomach... and it happened... I cried! They were tears of joy! They were tears of relief! My heart cried for what my mind had been through. My mind cried for what my heart had gone through.

Now what? Well, mom!

"Amma! I did it! Calcutta!" That was more than enough to see a mother break down, a mother who had seen her son struggle all his way through for the past 15 months. They say mothers feel it more than their sons do! Well, I could feel that when I called her up again after ten minutes and she was still in tears!

Who next? Dad!!!

He was travelling! He could just manage to hear Calcutta! I could almost see him punch the air when he screamed "YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!" in a moving bus!

Bro next! He was in the college! Unfortunately I could not connect! He got a deferred news from mom later!

Who next? Well, the one friend in the office who had seen me through the 15 day pain. The one to whom I owed quite a lot for having kept me cheerful in the office.

"Latha, can I speak to you for a minute?"

I was almost screaming as I handed over a parchment to her showing a graduation hat!

"It happened finally! I did it! Calcutta!"

Another round of screaming and rejoicing! Now two people doing it!

What a moment! What a moment! What a moment! Never shall this moment be enjoyed better..."


2:30 PM

It took me nearly an hour to cool down. I then mailed my teachers in TIME about the first result. Pat came a reply, "Amazing! Now let's wait for the other two biggies (Bangalore and Ahmedabad)"

Refresh PagalGuy.

Two new threads were open!

K results out!
I results out!

Whoa!!! Kozhikode and Indore are out too!!!!

My hands shivered again as I typed in http://www.iimk.ac.in and http://www.iimidr.ac.in in two different windows.

Ma Kozhikode embraced me with all love and affection a mother would. I was through!!!

Indore site was jammed.

Restless moments once again!

Just then, the most awaited phone call came in. Bro on the other side of the line.

"Anna! Well done!"

"Thank you! Thank you! Just hold on! Indore is opening up!" I was not afraid! I was not afraid of opening the site! I was not afraid of failure any more!

And Indore - the crown of Malwa showered her blessings on me! I was through!!!

"Punit! Indore is through as well! That makes it three selections so far!"

My mobile felt hot in the hand. The battery was crying with hours of talk time all of a sudden. Well, who cares!!!

3:30 PM

Million thanks to PagalGuy once again! A new thread was already up "L results are out too!"

http://www.iiml.ac.in

"Congratulations!" once again!

Well! How do you react when you are showered with all joys at the same time? You lose your emotions. I had never been so emotionless before as I was at that moment!


4:30 PM

Queen B! Where are you? I waited for my dream institution to come up with the results.

5:30 PM

Whoever said that best things come after a painful wait was perhaps right. Queen B decided to delay her results further.

6:25 PM

Time to go back home! Where are you, Honourable Queen? And there she was!!! IIM Bangalore declared its results finally!!!

http://www.iimb.ernet.in

And I was in... just as the Metallica tune started running in my mind... "Nothing else matters..."

End of Day!

The Judgement

In the end...



IIM Indore: Selected for the PGP batch 2007-09




IIM Kozhikode: Selected for the PGP batch 2007-09




IIM Lucknow: Selected for the PGP batch 2007-09




IIM Calcutta: Selected for the PGP batch 2007-09 (PGDM and PGDCM)



IIM Bangalore: Selected for the PGP batch 2007-09



~*~

The Judgement Day nears...

days left for The Judgement Day

The karma has been done. Now comes the one long painful wait...

16 Mar 2007

This is the time when I dream of just one thing in life - the judgement. No other phase of my life has been spent like this before... waiting for just one thing...


18 Mar 2007

It needs a great deal of courage to face failure. It needs greater deal of courage to face success!

25 Mar 2007

Another week begins ushering in newer hopes, newer dreams, newer aspirations... will it all really work out?


28 Mar 2007

The Sun Rises...

The sun rises, marking the dawn of another day, another battle, another attempt to win the war of aspirations and development. The day before has shown where I faltered, the evening before has been spent in contemplating how today would be, the night before has been spent in dreaming of a brighter today. And today is right at the door step. There is no looking back. The day is going to be long, but the goals are clear to me. The priorities have been worked out the previous evening itself. I am going to be judged on how strong I hold on to my priorities, how able I am in managing the primary objectives, while not losing sight of secondary and tertiary elements of life which support me all the time. And out I set, with a bag on my shoulder. I carry my dreams in it. I carry my weapons in it – weapons of determination, weapons of courage and weapons of mental strength. I meet friends, who are in the same line of thought, friends who would add a lot of value to my line of thought, friends who would become my source of inspiration, friends whose company shall see me through the scorch of the sun in the afternoon. Every passing hour becomes more and more challenging as the day progresses. Maintaining a right balance between the priorities becomes an important task. Life suddenly seems so busy. But there is nothing to be worried about. All this was envisaged the evening before. It is just a matter of executing it. Karma is my duty. The results aren’t. I derive the energy of inspiration from souls who have fought this war of day before. I derive the call of duty from the conscience within. I derive the word of caution from failures around. I derive the sense of joy from my innate happiness within. And thus continues the day. It is the time the sun reaches the zenith. The sweat on the brow matters a lot. That is what provides the much needed relief of the hour. The first part of the day is complete. I do not know how nearly half of the day was spent. But the apprehensions of the first half of the day bog me down during the siesta. Is this the day I envisaged? Is this how it was supposed to go? Is this what is going to take me to a good night sleep in the end? I wake up to a surprise. The first half of the day has indeed been well spent. Outcomes show themselves up. But with joy, they bring in greater challenges with them for the rest of the day. They promise a tougher life before the sun sets. They promise to make my life miserable if I do not tackle them well. They promise a battle with every passing minute. In the meanwhile, the secondary and tertiary priorities start taking a beating. I become thoughtful. Is this how I wanted it to be? Every minute I lose in this retrospective, I lose a valuable opportunity to prepare myself for the rest of the day. I decide to gamble. First things first. I dive into the second half of the day with more courage, more determination and more dreams. Concentrate on this one thing and you shall lose the view of the rest. I start feeling this thought flowing through my veins. Every moment becomes a bloody battle, every hour throws up new tasks, new challenges. Every second makes me realize – miles to go before I sleep. And here I am, just waiting to see the sunset. One last minute and the sun would be gone for the day. I do not know the outcomes of all what I have done during the day. But what I know is that I have done my best. May the setting sun remember that there is someone who has put in his life into what he has done during the day. It has been a tough day. I shall look forward to a brighter morning that awaits me, for all the wars I have fought during this one long day.

3 Apr 2007

With the countdown touching single digits, I hardly find time to think of anything else. Eagerness is getting replaced by nervousness. I find myself spending a lot of time thinking...


5 Apr 2007

Failures prick like thorns... prick deep... deep into the flesh... It hurts... especially when they come after a sincere effort...


12 Apr 2007

I just wish that The Judgement came out today. But The Plans seem to be different. The Day has been pushed nine days further down.


20 Apr 2007

Who did ever say that something called timely justice ever exists? The judgement seems to be getting delayed further down...


23 Apr 2007

A judgement blocks The Judgement!


27 Apr 2007

The judgement is here finally! Move to the next blog!!

Music and technique! Are they different??

It was one of those early mornings when I would sit with my teacher and get going with the learning for hours and hours that followed. A day would typically start with the raga I would be in the process of learning at that time, followed by a few new compositions in different ragas, which my teacher would say, "We will get in depth once you start learning this raga later". And this was how, I ended up learning more than around 25 ragas, although I can claim expertise in just one or two!

The initial hour would be all about letting out the musical feel, all the intense feelings I would have when I played the raga. While a raga like Yaman evokes a feeling of satisfaction, peace and serenity, there could be a Shivranjani that would plunge you into depths of sadness, poignancy and sorrow. Many a times it I would stop playing sitar and let myself out singing!! And it was one such fine morning when my teacher pointed out, "Looks like your music is more advanced than your sitar technique!"

I was perplexed. I gave a confused look. That was perhaps the first time I was really getting to understand the hairline difference between these two aspects of music. Music is what you "feel" and technique is what you "express"! And when one starts "feeling" more than he is able to "express", the difference starts poking in. The musician starts feeling restless, eventually leading to a vocal expression of the feelings.

I then started digging into the reason behind this. And then it turned out to be my own experiences with music which were far more matured than those with a new instrument like sitar. And that was when I resolved myself into developing my technique of sitar to an extent where I could express my feelings to the maximum possible extent.

Enthusiasm?? Dedication?? What does it?

Every musical endeavour starts with an psychomaniac enthusiasm for the new found love. I still remember going through this phase when I started off with the tabla in 1993. I used to have my fingers dancing on whatever came to my hand- be it the table, a vessel or still funny, my own cheeks and stomach!
And more! The same story replayed itself when I started with the flute. I used to carry it with me wherever I went. Such was the fancy for this instrument at that time that I even slept holding a flute in my hand! To my surprise, such a thing happened yet another time when I started off with the sitar.
In my personal opinion, sitar is the most beautifully ornamented instrument in India. The look of the instrument itself gives a feeling of importance and mesmerizing beauty. I used to simply love sitting with the instrument and still more, the half-lotus posture, which I was slowly mastering.
So far so good. The enthusiasm has its own role to play when it comes to the matter of experiences for a beginner. But then, every musical instrument then gives a real test, failing which, one can never carry on with his musical endeavour. The test is that of "physical endurance".
Every musical instrument typically hurts or rather strains one or more parts of the body in the first few days. The tabla has its own set of effects on the finger joints, which might even swell for some time. The way a flute is manipulated puts a lot of strain on the thumb. I still remember having my muscles getting pulled right from the base of the left thumb extending upto the wrist.
And to my experience, sitar is gives you the biggest challenge in this respect. The main string (called "baaja") is quite a ductile stuff with lot of elasticity. But at the same time, it is extremely sharp. Those really soft "darling" looking index and middle fingers of the left hand face most of the wrath of this string. The skin on the fingers repeatedly cuts and rips off in the first few days. Boils with shooting pain form right at the place where the string cuts! Many people tend to use oil to lubricate their fingers at this stage, just to ease themselves. But the tradition of my teacher strictly forbids one from using oil at any stage of the career, the simple reason being the oil has a terrible effect on the performance of the instruments. So, there it was, I had these terrible boils on my fingers right in the second week. I sometimes used to try placing the string on a different location on the finger. But somehow, my teacher always discovered it in the first two minutes! "No cheating!!" he used to say. "If you are not going to work out on exactly one location on the finger, take my word, you will have boils everywhere!" I used to play on the same location as my fingers withered and my face winced in pain. And on a few occasions, tears used to flow down my eyes, unable to take up the pain. "No pain, no gain" was one thing my teacher imbibed deep in my mind at this stage. This phase of strings cutting through the skin and boils bursting out continued for nearly three weeks before I grew callus on my fingers.
This was the true testing time when my enthusiasm was weighed against dedication. The enthusiasm seemed to die off every time the pain reappeared. But it was the constant motivation and inspiring words of my teacher and my own bit of dedication that carried me through this phase.
It was not long before the callus grew hard and boils disappeared. As time proceeded, the skin got used to the string and now, I feel no difference as my fingers dance around on the string. But the memories of the first few weeks are something I can never really forget. No harm if I say, I am proud of myself that I passed through the phase successfully. Truly enough, music is 1% enthusiasm and 99% dedication.

The Rendezvous

It was late in the evening of some day in the first week of January 2004. The freezing winter of Pilani didn't really deter me as I galloped towards the music room on the BITS campus. There were two other enthusiasts (Neema Kulkarni and Ojas Sabnis) who joined me in the quest on that day.
It was an unforgettable moment of thrill as guruji asked me to sit in the half-lotus posture and instructed me on how to hold the sitar. "Sitar is like a new born baby. Equally delicate, equally enticing, equally beautifully. Guess you can understand how you are expected to handle it..." That was something which evoked an understanding smile from all the three of us.
Some details about the half-lotus posture: A right handed sitarist sits with his left leg crossed inwards and the right leg pulled out in the front. The base grourd of the sitar rests on the opened up left leg while the neck of the sitar is supported by the right thigh. The right hand rests on the base gourd from the top; thus giving the base gourd a vice-like grip between the left leg and right hand. Confused? Well, read it again :) This posture is quite difficult to master in the beginning as it tends to cramp the leg muscles. But a regular "riaz" in this posture should do the trick. Also, a correctly achieved half-lotus posture leaves the left hand completely free. But many beginners tend to have this problem of not being able to load the sitar neck on the right thigh, thus leaving an inevitable load on the left hand! But mind you! This will never work out if you are going to actually play the instrument after this!
Guruji thus explaining the posture, told a lot of stuff about the instrument- its manufacturing process, the physics that goes behind it. I still remember having turned back at one of the other two friends and remarked, "Oh yes! The frequency is inversely proportional to the square root of length of the string! So, that explains the gradual reduction in the distance between the frets as we move towards the bridge!"
So far, so good. The sitar, which looked so easy to play whenever I saw the artists perform, now started looking so formidable! "Oh my! Will I ever be able to play it?" Guruji just smiled.
He then asked us to put on a V-shaped pluck on the right index and adjust its supports behind the first joint on the finger. Well, traditionally known as the "mizrab", that was going to be the tool that would get me into playing the instrument.
"So now, all the three of you! Press your left index behind the seventh fret and strike all the strings gently upwards"
THAT WAS SADJA (SA), THE FIRST NOTE I EVER PLAYED ON THE SITAR!